by Jennifer Squires Biller
Rosie O’Donnell stole the show last week on Nip/Tuck as “white trash” lottery winner Dawn Budge. Her theory that money can buy anything, including a $400,000 romp with Christian Troy, proved correct. But in the end, her money didn’t buy happiness, as a lonely, newly liposuctioned Dawn realized. O’Donnell’s brief sex scene with Julian McMahon was one of the funniest in Nip/Tuck’s history, as Dawn rattled on about macaroni and cheese and Christian’s performance. According to O’Donnell’s blog, she ad-libbed that priceless line regarding Christian’s anatomy placement. As for Matt, I’m so sick of this kid disrespecting his parents. It’s just cruel. The brat didn’t deserve that Porsche; a one way ticket to counseling, absolutely, but not that fine example of automotive engineering.
Keith Mars had better be breathing this week, instead of going down for the dirt nap, or I’ll be firing off an e-mail to Rob Thomas. Wait a minute. What am I thinking? It’s Keith Mars, daddy to my beloved Veronica. Thomas wouldn’t dare kill Keith, despite how it looked at the end of last week’s show. As the show debuted this season, we met Wallace’s new roommate Piz, saw Logan and Veronica in a post-coital glow, felt sorry for Dick as he mourned his brother’s death, and watched Keith run for his life. Welcome back to the divine “Miss M.” We’ve missed you. But where was Sheriff Lamb? I’m hoping someone breaks the law this week, so the sheriff can come calling. I volunteer for the job, if no one else is game.
The most anticipated show return of the season started out with a bang. We learned that while the crash victims have been living like animals on the beach, the Others have their own suburban village of houses, book clubs, and neighbors on the other side of the island. I also learned that I hate the Others story arc. There are so many characters already on the canvas with so many stories to tell, that we didn’t need creepy Henry Gale and his gang of question dodgers. Enough already. Give me Desmond, Sayeed, Hurley, Jin, Sun, Sawyer, Jack, John and Kate. On an up note, Sawyer in a cage isn’t a bad thing. He and Kate proved they still have chemistry. In the sweetest scene of the night, he gave her his fish biscuit. (Awww!) But explain this: Hadn’t Kate just eaten a yummy breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon, juice and coffee? (That greedy bitch!) As for Jack, Matthew Fox gave an Emmy worthy performance in his scenes. His flashback to losing his wife to another man and accusing his father of sleeping with her were incredible, as was his breakdown at the end of the show. There is no better dramatic actor in primetime than Fox when he cries. Juliette clearly isn’t human, or she would have reached out and comforted the good doctor after his meltdown. The poor guy left me reaching for the Kleenex.
Clark Kent discovered his super breath this week. Well, technically, Chloe discovered it, but I won’t quibble. Clark discovering his powers is usually my favorite part of Smallville, and this one didn’t disappoint. Clark’s super-sneezing was hilarious, too, especially when he faked out Chloe at The Daily Planet. I love that Clark shares his secrets with his sidekick, and I can’t wait to see how Chloe’s relationship with Jimmy plays into all of it. I’m not sure yet about Oliver Queen, the archer, and future love interest of Lois Lane. I want to see him go a few rounds with Sexy Lexy and Lois before I make my final judgment. Overall, it was a great episode and beautifully lit, especially during the Chloe/Lois barn door scene and the final Chloe/Clark scene in the loft. I still contend that this is the most visually beautiful show on television. If you aren’t watching Smallville, you’re missing one of the best and most beautiful shows on the tube. And apparently Clark Kent can now control the weather. So, you know, you should get on his good side by tuning in.
Apparently real estate in Seattle is a priceless commodity. That’s the only explanation for several wealthy doctors heading to a hotel, instead of trying to find apartments. The Chief, Callie, Addison and Mark are all living at the same hotel now. George, I’m warning you: With Callie’s tendency to walk around naked, I fear it won’t be long before she and the Chief are sharing more than their medical degrees. Izzie is still in mourning, and she needs to snap out of it soon. Seriously, I can’t take much more. I miss spunky Izzie. And I miss cocky, neck-snapping Burke. Meredith seemed to have plenty of spunk left, though, as she laid down the dating rules to Derek (“McDreamy”) and Finn (“I have plans.”) As for my beloved Addison, she broke my heart during her closet cry. Paging McSteamy. I think he may be just what the doctor ordered.